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My Bloody Valentine 3D
Normally, I’m prepared to go along with an exercise in
futility if I get something out of it. Unfortunately, this version of
the movie really tested me for the most basic reason imaginable:
technical failure!
The three dimensional vision that wasn’t; which is a
shame because I was prepared to give in to the gimmick. The only
convincing experience of this I ever had was a 3D Simpsons
showcase I saw years ago at IMAX. That featured horizontal and vertical
polarised transparent glasses and it was very immersive and
entertaining. My Bloody Valentine on DVD comes with violet and
green colours and it simply doesn’t work. All I saw was a blurry and
monochromatic B-grade slasher flick. Oh, and it does have some pretty
gruesomely tingly SFX: I’ll never view a pick-axe or shovel with the
same blasé familiarity.
The sole achievement of this botched abomination was
making me realise how impressive normal colour film, in its 2D glory,
really is. So I persevered through this
exiled-teen-comes-to-small-town-after-a-decade-and-a-murder-rampage-in-a-mine-resumes
thriller until the end, glasses sometimes off, sometimes on, headache
always building, partly to see how cheesy and funny the movie is. I may
even pursue a watchable copy of it at some stage.
This movie was my chance to reacquaint with actor Kerr
Smith since his Dawson’s Creek days. David Lynch fans also take
note: one of the girls killed is Sarah Palmer.
All up: avoid! Unless of course I totally stuffed up and
there’s some special trick I have to do to my TV to get the 3D working.
Felix Staica |
