Hard Breakers DVD Review - www.impulsegamer.com -

Feature 0.5
Video 7.0
Audio 7.0
Special Features   0.0
Total 1.0
Distributor: Sony
Running Time:
Classification:
M15+
Reviewer: Samuel Park

1.0


Hard Breakers

I have nothing good to say about this film. Watching it was an exercise in self-restraint, trying so hard to stay seated and watch the entire movie. I managed to finish watching and as it ended I realised this is the movie where actors go to kill their careers.

Tia Carrere and Tom Arnold, from True Lies fame, and Chris Katten, from A Night at the Roxbury, are all actors I remembered from my teens and here they are debasing themselves in such a horrid film. I canít imagine that anyone would have read the script for this and thought that it might be a good idea to get involved. The dialogue is awful and the story jumps all over the place and doesnít have a central theme.

The story follows two young women, Lindsay (Sophie Monk) and Alexis (Cameron Richardson) who are disillusioned with the dating scene and so decide to take matters into their own hands by knocking men unconscious and then taking them home and seducing them when they wake up. There are so many ridiculous tangents in this film that to try and describe any more of the plot line would make this review farcical. An example of these tangents is Alexis having an audition with director Hertz Waters (Katten) and he wants her to strip so she leaves. The later she meets him and seems excited to audition for him again and again it ends badly. Luckily she is saved from his sexual advances by Lindsay, her ex-boyfriend Bobby (Scott Elrod), and her father (Arnold) who burst into the room through a tiny door. I have no idea why the door was so small, nor could I work out how they knew exactly the right time to burst into the room to save her. Confused? I certainly was.

Adding insult to injury, the acting in this film was atrocious. The best actor in the whole thing was Sophie Monk, if youíve ever seen her act in anything youíll know that this does not bode well for the rest of the cast. Ricahrdson looked like sheíd recently had far too much collagen implanted into her lips and her face was full of Botox, meaning she wasnít actually able to convey any sort of emotion throughout the film.

I want to be nice and say that at least the camera work was good, however that would be a lie, it was average at best and Iíll be honest and say that it only reached those heights once or twice during the film. The only good thing you could say about the visuals in this film is that the camera lingers over Monk and Richardsonís bodies while they are wearing string bikinis. This would only be a good thing though if youíre the kind of person who enjoys ogling women who have fake breasts and are far too skinny.

The one thing about this film that I didnít truly hate was the soundtrack, though thatís not to say it was good, I just didnít hate it. It made the film ever so slightly bearable being able to listen to fluffy pop songs.

I am quite sure that Sony Pictures Home Entertainment, the distributor, is well aware that this DVD wonít make them any money, which is why they havenít added any special features, not even a gag reel. Why put money into something that wonít even break even? In fact why even release this onto DVD at all?

Unless you are a serious glutton for punishment or if you enjoy being able to pick the faces of actors who never really became successful slumming it then you should never ever watch this. Donít spend any money on the DVD, donít rent it, just steer well clear of it.

 






 
 



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