3.0

Doctor Who – Delta and the Bannerman

This 3-part serial has The Doctor (Sylvester McCoy) and his erstwhile companion, Melanie Bush (Bonnie Langford) wrapped up in an adventure saving an alien princess from genocide in the 1950s (Earth.)

Older episodes of Doctor Who can be forgiven for low budgets and dated cinematography – and perhaps I am just being harsher because this piece is recent enough for me to actually remember it (1987) but this was a terrible, terrible episode. This incarnation of The Doctor was the last until the series was shelved between ’89-’96 and Sylvester McCoy had often been accused of being the Doctor that “killed” the series. However, although I found this Doctor to be a bit too foppish and sprinkled with poor humour, he held up reasonably well. It was everyone else around him that was just painful to watch. This was nearly so bad that it’s good, but not quite.

It’s low-grade afternoon serial sort of stuff. The only actor that didn’t make me want to jam a skewer through my ears was Ray (Sara Griffiths) – although her strong Welsh accent could have got to me after a while. I was a bit disappointed when I found out that she was originally groomed to be The Doctor’s new companion, but was written out due to changing schedules.

The special effects are budget 80s special effects – that I can live with – but even worse than the acting was the music. My God, the music. I think it was supposed to have a 50s rock vibe to it, you know, to get into theme but it sounded more like a Benny Hill theme tune. Not only was it comically bad, but it was played in the most inappropriate moments. As the Doctor and his allies run from the bad-guys: cue Benny Hill theme. After the Doctor tells off the leader of the Bannerman, and storms off: Benny Hill theme. It was simply the worst music I could have imagined, and then lowered a few notches.

To round out the litany of woes is the story. When summarised, it’s not bad – but the devil is in the details. Two American agents were tracking down a downed satellite and were communicating with Washington on a Police Box – a Police Box?! These were two guys apparently just camping out in Wales and are for some reason tasked with finding a downed satellite with no knowledge or real equipment whatsoever – and for no discernable reason. It was some of the dumbest television I have seen. Well, that’s taking it a bit far, television has plumbed the depths of stupidity pretty deeply – but still, don’t insult your intelligence with this shocker.

It’s some of the latest Doctor Who episodes before the 21st century’s version, and so you might be forgiven for thinking it’s some of the best. You’d be wrong.