G.I. Joe Retaliation
Joe, real American heroes, GI Joe is there... just a year late…
After the President
United States orders the eradication of his own GI Joes the surviving
Joes, the towering machine Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson) the free running
yet somewhat useless Flint (D.J.
Cotrona) and sexy weapons expert
Lady Jaye (Adrianne
regroup with the help of Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and General Joe Colton
(Bruce Willis) to go against their mighty foes ‘The Cobra’ and the
hidden threat with in the government.
Just 2 weeks before its original release date GI Joe Retaliation was
pulled from its release date and pushed back a year for a post
conversion 3D and additional shot scenes with rising star Channing
Tatum. This was believed to have happened because test audiences enjoyed
the chemistry between Dwayne and Channing. After watching GI Joe, I
really can’t see why, their connections come off awkward and almost
unbearable. ‘SPOILERS’ It’s not like Duke survived the first act, all we
got was a weird gaming session and awkward gun range shoot out where it
was unclear if the pair was going to make out or shoot something.
comer director Jon M. Chu famous for terrible movies like Step Up 2 and
the Justin Bieber movie has taken the reigns from Stephen Sommers (The
Mummy). Chu a self-confessed child of the 80s has set up more of a
remake then a direct sequel to the ill-fated 2009 box office bomb “GI
Joe: Rise of Cobra”. 99%of the cast was either recast or written out of
the “SeqMake” (I’m going to coin that name from here of out ) and the
core idea for the premise remodelled to fit a more tough mercenary team
rather then a goofy bunch of cadets with super suits. It’s a surprise
that this calibre of director can really bring his ‘A’ game for this
material and change his style so rapidly. One would expect from his
previous works, Bright colours, break out dance scenes and Justin
Bieber. None of which, thank god made it into this movie. I say that he
has brought his ‘A’ game, but for a movie that is based on a toyline
that’s not really saying much.
Joe Retaliation should have a lot going for it, big names, fairly big
budget, an abundance of ideas and storylines to use and a tonne of
unique characters to choose either from the toyline and cartoons. Yet we
are given plot holes and generic characters. One I can’t get away from
is Flint. Who is he, what did he do in this movie. Did he have a talent?
I know Roadblock was good with big ass guns and snake eyes is a stealthy
mofo but flint, was he good with bombs? Nope that was Firefly (Ray
Stevenson) was he a sidekick that was used for comic relief. Nope. Then
why the hell is he in this movie. ‘SPOILERS’. Why didn’t they ditch the
character and just keep Duke (Channing Tatum) in for longer or not kill
him off at all. Flint just didn’t do anything and didn’t bring a thing
to the plot.
Bruce Willis once again phones it in and plays Bruce Willis, captain
money bags really must not enjoy acting anymore. He literally looks like
he is bored crapless and can’t wait for lunch cart to come by. Why are
people hiring the old man? He is done. He’s had enough. I’ve had enough.
I remember a time when I used to say “if Bruce Willis is in a movie it
has to be good. That guy doesn’t do bad flicks”. That was before Live
Free or Die Hard (Die Hard 4.0 for the Aussie’s). I wish someone would
just fire his ass when he comes on set like that. Thank god Stallone
ditched him for Expendables 3.
Joe Retaliation is filled with long drawn out scenes where nothing is
happening. The first twenty or so mins in action packed, explosions, gun
play and the rock kicking ass. Then we get a good sixty mins or so of
talking and horrible character development with the characters that no
one cares about. Mainly Shadow Storm and the mute Snake Eyes. I have no
idea who the lead Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson) is. I know he has two kids
and a secret love affair with Duke, but is he married, why is he in the
Joe’s? Did his parents die and he needs to revenge them? We get nothing.
Which makes me wonder who is the lead character? I’m tipped off to
believe its Roadblock; the poster showcases him front and centred. He is
all over the movie but he is more of a ninja in the character
development field then Snake Eyes is at being Silent Bob.
Joe has more plot holes then Swiss cheese. I know it’s basically a kid’s
movie but come on. In one particular scene The President announces in a
live telecast that his newly formed ‘Cobra’ team was dispatched to
immediately take out the Joes. But they have Americas most wanted man
‘The Cobra Commander’ locked away in a highly secured prison. Now the
Cobra Commander for those playing at home is basically Bin Laden of the
GI Joe universe. Surely someone at home is putting two and two together
and saying “hang on, somethin’ fishy is going down at the olde White
House. Boy get me ma pitch fork and let’s do us some lynching”.
Joe: Retaliation is nothing but Muscles, plot holes, big explosions and
old man Willis making a mockery of action movies. I’m not going to
remember this movie in T-Minus 10 secs, but for those looking for
something to put them to sleep, the case could be used and a small and
Blu-ray contains 3 featurettes I found a little more interesting than
the feature. You get an in depth look at the characters from toy to
screen and good look into the arc of ‘The Cobra’ from their beginnings
to now. Also featured are deleted scenes and a commentary with the
director Jon M. Chu.
Blu-ray transfer is top notch, sound quality and video are flawless,
which is simply what you come to expect with such a recent release. Too
bad to say that movie is not.